ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
