no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
