I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
