Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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