my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
