yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
