what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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