The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
