i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
sarcasm needs its own font
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
