turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
