The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
