Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
3 2 1 whiskey
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
