help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Couch. On fire.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
