Me. At least after what I've been through.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
