my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
