Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
