look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
