so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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