something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
