So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
