I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
