He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
