I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
