My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
