I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
