Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
