ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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