god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
