she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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