Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
