Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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