There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
