Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
