omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
