Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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