My first STD was from a foam party
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
