Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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