Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
