She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
