I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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