I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
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