fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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