I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
