Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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