I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
