She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
