My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
