I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
