I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
