When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
