THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I wish there were birth control emojis
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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